just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
