East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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