if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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