Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
