so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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