We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
