I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
