just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
