Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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