foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
smell my finger.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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