4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
