One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
