If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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