And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
