I just cut my nipple shaving
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
