He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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