i can't believe i had my finger in that
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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