i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
