I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
