so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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