I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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