And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
