The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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