I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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