It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
