just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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