roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize