walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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