I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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