Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
