So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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