Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
