Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
