Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
