so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
