i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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