I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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