I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
