did you get engaged???
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
