Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
