Its about making memories worth repressing
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
