when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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