Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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