You really coming over, don't trick.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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