i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
