so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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