i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
