im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
