At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
