i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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