I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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