saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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