I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
