KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
