so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
