One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
