Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
