You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
