I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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