Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
