I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
