who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
