Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
