Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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