My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
