Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
