i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Pooping to opera.
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