it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
