did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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