She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
