it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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