That's intense
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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