so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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